I just don't get it

Ok, so weigh day was last Thursday... and it was a bad result noticeable by the absence of any post.

I don't understand it. I was SO good all week, and yet when I jumped on the Wii to weigh in I had put on 1kg / 2lbs!

I was talking to my Aunty about it, and she said that it's probably because I am building up muscle and it weighs more than fat. I get that, I understand it... but I can't even put it down to that.

I've not been exercising!

Shame on me for that... but honestly, when I've cut out potatoes, rice, pasta, juice, coke and even last week chocolate - how do you put ON weight?

ARGH!

It makes me so frustrated!  Why do I even bother?!?!

I went away for the weekend to see my boyfriend this weekend... disappointed in myself, I ate Burger King twice and had three cans of coke.  I regret it now and that's certainly not going to help me get a better result this week.  So why did I do it?

I really need to learn to not get so disheartened and slip backwards but use it to motivate me to try harder.

I'd like to say that I will get up early in the morning and go for a big long walk before work... but let's be honest. I probably won't.

Trying out new foods - split pea soup

I talked about having split pea soup at a friends house and being pleasantly surprised.  So, I hunted down a recipe that I thought looked and sounded like the one I had and set to making it.  It was dead easily and really really yummy.  The recipe says to blend half of the soup once its made to given a more even consistency but still have the texture with the half not blended, but I didn't do that.  Also, I soaked my peas in water overnight and boiled for about 90 minutes rather than the 20/30 mins called for in the recipe, so perhaps mine broke down more.

I did follow the suggestion of serving with a little bit of paprika and a drizzle of olive oil which was a great touch.  Although just cause I'm trying to lose weight I will go for the paprika and not the olive oil on my next bowl... which will be in about half an hour!

I think mine looks quite a lot thicker than the recipe version, but I don't mind that.  I must admit though, it did take me about half the bowl to get over the fact that I was spooning green mush into my mouth!  Silly, I know.  I ate this with a toasted gluten free pitta which was a nice addition.

So, here's a picture of my soup.  Not quite as attractive and rustic looking at the one over at 101 Cookbooks but I'm sure it tasted just as good :)

Split green pea soup with paprika and a drizzle of olive oil

It's weigh day - No.7

I am really hating myself right now.  I've had a mixed week, I've been good with all my main meals (weekend excluded), but I have had far too much chocolate.  I'm finding that hard to let go if I'm honest.

But, I wasn't entirely sure that I had been bad enough to have seen what I saw this morning.

GAIN - 1.5KG

Shit.

Bollocks.

Fuck.

I'm really upset with myself.  Why can't I get my fat arse out and walking of a morning?  Why can't I resist the urge to buy a piece of chocolate when I go into a shop?

So, that means in almost 8 weeks, I have lost a grand freaking total of just 3.3kgs.  That's nothing, less than 500 grams a week.

This week, I really must be more dedicated.  I want to lose 3kgs next week to make up for it.

I really really really am hating myself right now.

But, then why am I so surprised?  Did I really think that a couple of lentil curries and salads would make up for the junk I ate at the weekend or the chocolates I ate during the week?  I guess I had kind of deluded myself into thinking that.  I used to not think at all about what I ate, and have maintained the weight I am now for the best part of a decade I guess.  So, I figured given that I have changed sooooo much, I would still lose.  Naive.  Stupid.  Fucked up.

Urgh.

Red lentil curry with spinach and coriander

I definitely struggle with eating a range of different meals, and tend to eat the same meal over and over again.

About six months ago, I was at a friends house for lunch and they served up split pea soup which I was incredibly skeptical about at first but it totally won me over.  I remembered it the other day when I was going through the supermarket thinking I needed to diversify my diet.  I went to the legume section, couldn't find split green peas anywhere but found red lentils.

Not quite sure what prompted me to buy them, given I've never even eaten them before!  But, buy them I did and then I set about looking for a recipe, and I found one for a red lentil curry that looked really good.  I made it last night, it was sooooo easy! I modified it slightly, but also adding 25g of tomato paste and when it was cooked just before serving I added some chopped up baby spinach and some fresh coriander.  I also used about triple the amount of garlic and ginger... cause I'm trying to ward off vampires and a cold right now.  The former is true, the latter is not :)

The recipe recommended eating with basmati rice, which I normally would have done but I am trying to avoid rice at the moment.  Instead, I found some gluten free pita bread and toasted that to scoop it up and eat with.

It was soooooooooooooooo good!  Seriously recommended.  Not sure of the fat, carb or calorie count but the recipe on the site said one serving is less than 200g with 2.6g of fat.  I added extra ingredients, but either way it's still a really low calorie, low fat meal.

Umm... I'm not sure why I'm even talking about calories.  I hate calorie counting!  In fact, I don't do it at all.  Just the other day I was completing a survey in a hospital on the nutrition and calorie content of different types of food.  As an example, a salad with a tablespoon of olive oil.  I had no idea, I guessed around 400 calories. Urgh.

I also have no intention of becoming better at counting calories to lose weight. I don't really subscribe to the idea that you have to be so rigid and severe when it comes to losing weight.  I think (and I may be totally wrong), but so long as you are eating as naturally as can be (i.e. minimising the amount of processed, and pre-prepared meals) and avoiding as much as possible foods that don't work for your body then you can't really go that wrong.  As an example, I really think my body can't handle refined sugars and wheat very well, particularly with my PCOS.  So, I am avoiding those foods as much as I can right now.

In fact, I saw a gastroenterologist (hence the reference to a hospital visit) the other day, and we are doing some investigations into my gut and digestive system because ever since my hospital visits last year I am having some problems.  He suspects it may be IBS, and hopefully it's nothing more serious than that.  But I have a suspicion I may actually be gluten intolerant as well.  Ho hum, sounds like fun.

Anyway, I will come back soon and blog about that lovely hospital visit and the charming people skills of my specialist.  His fat acceptance levels were off the chart..... and not in a good way!

Here's a picture of my red lentil curry.  Yum Yum.

Red lentil curry with gluten free pita bread

The recipe made quite a bit, at least three decent sized meals worth.  So, that's what I had for dinner last night and lunch today.  I'll have it again for lunch tomorrow.

Baddddddd weekend

1 x chicken tikka masala with rice
1 x naan bread
1 x can of Coke
1 x glass of champagne
3 x pieces of chocolate cake with cream
6 x glasses of wine
1.5 x white bread chicken stuffing sandwiches
10 x chicken nuggets with sweet chilli sauce
3 x cheeseburgers
1 x small Mc'Ds fries
2 x large cokes
2 x caramel kit-kat's
6 x ferrero rocher

BAD weekend for food... but GREAT weekend for living!

Now, to undo the damage and get my arse up nice and early each day this week for a walk to burn off all those calories!!

Psyching myself up to jump on the scales

So, today was weigh day and I jumped onto the Wii Fit... preparing for a bad result.

I've not been good 100% of the time, and probably not even 80%.  I've had bread, pasta, cheese and far too much chocolate.  But most of the time I have been sticking to avoiding the foods I know I should avoid.  I have managed to stay clear of Coke (a major addiction for many years), and when I did indulge in a can a few weeks ago I was really gutted surprised to find that I didn't actually enjoy it.  I've not been drinking juice either.

Although, having said that I know I've not been drinking enough water and for some reason just the thought of drinking a plain glass of water was turning me off ??  So, I did get some Ribena syrup and have been making myself drink more water by adding some sugar flavour to it.

I was thinking... maybe it was a way of self-sabotage?  Because I had put on 2lbs the week before last, I kind of just lost the will to keep going, which made me so nervous to jump on the scales last week that I just avoided it altogether.  In between times, I ate even whole blocks of chocolate to myself, bowls of pasta and toasted cheese sandwiches.  Not all the time, mind you. But far too often that I should have.

I had a bit of a talk to myself one night, and just reminded myself why I am putting myself through this.  To have a baby.  But it's also become more than that too... my back is getting bad, and my knee joints are hurting.  I'm not even 30 yet.

So, I made better decisions more and more often and went for a few walks.

And although I knew I must have limited my 'damage' by this weigh in, I wasn't expecting such a good result.  Yay!

Anyway, here's day two of my snack breakfast.  Exchanged a banana for a kiwi fruit this morning.  I loveeeeeee banana, it's my favourite fruit by far.  But I'm a really fussy banana eater.  I can't stand it if they are over ripe, or even just ripe.  I prefer them slightly green... mmmmm.  Anything else, even just the smell of someone eating a ripe banana can make me flee a room.

Snack breakfast

I also added some freshly cut up coconut today, which was really nice.

The Breakfast Club

The Breakfast Club, it's a great movie if you haven't seen it.

But on a serious note, breakfast for me is something I struggle with the most I think... well, aside from getting up and going for a walk before work... well, and drinking enough water.

The biggest problem I have with breakfast, is that I just don't feel hungry nor feel like eating first thing in the morning.  If I make myself have breakfast, or wake up feeling like it then my default breakfast would be toast which I don't eat anymore.  I can't have scrambled eggs every morning. 

I was having Ready Brek made with milk, a teaspoon of cinnamon (it's reportedly good for maintaining blood sugar levels with PCOS women) and a drizzle of honey on the top microwaved for four minutes.  But it's a filling meal and it takes me about half an hour to eat.  I don't have that sort of time.

So, I decided yesterday that I would opt for more of a snacky type situation for breakfast.  So, this is what I am having today... and I am just going to sit it on my desk at work and nibble when I'm hungry.

the breakfast club struggle

So, I'm having a small handful of nuts, some strawberries and a banana.

Food snapshot; yesterday and today

I didn't weigh in yesterday as I said I would Sunday night.  I already have my graph and weekly targets set for Thursdays, so it's best just to stick to that and suck it up.

Anyway, I did do something I said I would. Yay me.  I took some pictures of what I'm eating.

So, for lunch yesterday I had leftover chicken that was roasted in the oven with sweet potato, onion, garlic cloves and cherry tomatoes.  I also steamed some green veg and a few carrots to go alongside it.

Lunch yesterday

For lunch today I had a warm chicken and pumpkin salad.  I just roasted a couple of slices of butternut pumpkin (or squash as they call it in the UK) with some pan fried chicken thigh fillets, lettuce mix, red onion and beetroot.  I also splashed on a little of my fave salad dressing which I make myself (honey, white balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil).  'Twas yummy.

Lunch today

As you can see from both pictures, I love pepper :)

Not sure what I will have for dinner tonight. I should try and be organised and cut up some veg again, but I might just have what I had for lunch.  It was quick and easy to make once the pumpkin and chicken were cooked, which was made even quicker as I left the peel on the pumpkin. Some people don't like that, but the extra texture is cool with me.

I did go for a 30 minute walk yesterday, but I need to make that a regular occurrence and also for longer periods of time.  I have been super tired lately (not sure what's wrong with me, I slept for more than 10 hours last night and I am still tired!), but one of these days when I get up at 7am to turn off my alarm I will actually stay up, put my sneakers on, my headphones in and head out the door for an hours walk.